I hate my job but I’m not looking for another one

I hate my job. There. I said it.
But here’s the thing nobody tells you, hating your job doesn’t automatically make you brave enough to leave it. Because what if the next one is worse? What if the problem isn’t the job at all? What if the problem is me..this version of me that has somehow forgotten how to want things?
I used to wake up excited. Not about anything specific, just about the day. About being alive. I don’t remember the last morning I woke up and felt it.
Now I just wake up. Shower. Show up. Repeat.
And the scariest part isn’t the job I hate or the job I’m too scared to find. It’s that I feel nothing. Not sad, not happy, not angry, not hopeful. Just… nothing. Like someone turned the volume down on my entire life and forgot to turn it back up.
I’m writing this because I don’t have answers. I just miss myself. The old version , the one who hadn’t yet learned to be so careful with hope.
Maybe she’s still in here somewhere.